Acceptance: the aftermath and the after glow Part I

When my son Dara was 5 (almost 5 years ago! - yeah yeah, I am a little late talking about this ;) his nursery school had a string of  'worries'  -
"He doesn't 'play' with toys"
"He gets upset when the room structure is changed"
"He's very knowledgeable about space" (is this a worrying trait?)
"He acts inappropriately" e.g. he hides under the table and has on occasion taken off his clothes......I definitely knew that, unfortunately!

The list went on. They were very supportive and finally encouraged me to consent to an educational psychologist visit; to observe and perform some tests on Mr D in school. I was sure, that at  last someone might see his behaviours as minor eccentricities (yep I was still in denial).

So, they executed their tests and the results suggested that Dara displayed the criteria for an Asperger's diagnosis. He was then referred to a paediatrician and speech therapist. During our final diagnostic visit I experienced what can only be described as a 'winded' moment. I witnessed what perhaps others had observed. I was lost for words, breathless and on the brink of tears. As part of this session a play area was set up - a garage, cars and some figures. The speech therapist encouraged Dara to role-play situations and he just could not interact, on any level. Instead he barraged her with a string of "did you know" statements about space. In those short moments, I tried to flick through my memories  and sure enough, I had never sat down to create with him, a scenario where Dara may have been uncomfortable. I had always followed his lead.  Lots more tests followed and with each one, my heart sank  further and lower. I knew. I saw the dawn and I realised. When the paediatrician sat down with him to discuss a picture where quite alot of people were sitting at a table, eating and  having a celebration. Dr M  asked Dara "why is everyone sitting together and why are there so many people?"  He took a long pause and finally replied "I suppose alot of people were hungry". I managed a nervous laugh and thought that any emotional concept he might have, would need to be 'learned'.

We came away with a diagnosis but I refused to see it as some kind of inhibiting factor. I saw it as a challenge, for both of us!

I accepted that he had this set of behaviours
I accepted the diagnosis for that reason
I accepted that this journey would be coarse and jagged


I accepted that this WAS Dara and I would do everything possible not to lose the amazing kid he was and is. To nurture his strengths and somehow direct him socially whilst managing his anxiety.

During the period after diagnosis, accepting the diagnosis and the many many discussions that followed, I fell pregnant again. I was exhausted and I seemed to find myself amidst a battle field of sorts. Fighting to make sure Dara was happy and contented at school. Fighting the idea that the behaviours which my second son Lorcan exhibited were nothing to do with Autism/Asperger's. Fighting to stay awake. Fighting to earn a living for my family and be a stay at home mum. Everything seemed to be a fight!! It was a dark time which eventually became an enlightened one. I was knee deep in the aftermath, I'm sure many parents with ASD/Asperger's kid's can relate to this.

After glow I hear you say, what about the after glow!!

I promise that my sporadic entries will gain momentum. The after glow did come but I've ran out of time! School runs, dinner to cook, homework blah de blah......

Next time!

Thanks for reading

Roisin